Downers Grove, IL

Friday, March 26, 2010

It's March 26, 2010 and time for…     Welcome to tax preparation season. This is the time of year that the government prepares to tax us. The recently passed healthcare bill calls for new taxes to the point that they need 18,000 new IRS agents just to handle the work load. Well, I have an idea for one more tax that will solve our problems. The Public Service Tax will be applied to everyone who holds a government job. The amount of your tax will be based on the level of government in which you serve. Congress would pay a 35% PST; senators would pay 50%, and the president would pay a 100% Public Service Tax for the privilege of serving the country. In addition to this, we would enact an excise tax on Joe Biden every time he says something stupid. We could have the deficit paid off in no time. That said, welcome to this week's tea party of idiots.

     ? "I'd Like A Sack Of Fifties To Go" – In Fairfield, Connecticut, a 27-year-old man and a 16-year-old boy decided to rob a bank, but they were in a hurry. To save time, the pair phoned up the People's Union Bank and told them to have a bag of money ready and they would drop by shortly to rob them. Ten minutes later, the pair of pinheads was met by police officers in the bank parking lot. I don't know where these chuckleheads were in a hurry to get to, but they will now be tardy by 3 to 5 years.

     ? Idiots Out Walking Around – This is a comedic acronym for IOWA but Scot Davis of Des Moines proved this week that he is definitely not the brightest bulb in the chandelier. He was drinking at a bar in south Des Moines, and after a while he left with a woman he met there. Before bartenders could even clear his glass away, Scot returned to the bar with a .22 caliber rifle and demanded all of the money. He even squeezed off a shot to prove he was serious. As he made off with the money, several bar patrons produced business cards Scot had given them to promote his contracting business. Sgt. Lori Lavorado of the Des Moines police department commented, "This is not the hardest case our detectives ever had to investigate."

     ? Dumbass Of The Week Award – This week the DOTW award goes to two twits from Tennessee. Donald West and Troy Davis were driving through the Big Apple when they were pulled over for a missing license plate and having tinted windows. When asked for his license, West also produced a Tennessee gun permit. When the officer asked what the permit was for, West said, "It's fer the gun I got in my pants." The officer looked at him in disbelief and said, "Do you have anything else I should know about?" To this question West responded, "Well, I got some handcuffs, hollow point bullets, another clip fer the gun, a bag of weed and some pipes." Choking back laughter, the officer then asked the passenger, if he had anything to declare and he said "There's two blunts in the ashtray." The yokels were hauled in on a variety of charges proving that honesty may be the best policy but even a fish doesn't get caught if he keeps his mouth shut.

Dale Irvin

Professional Summarizer

Downers Grove, IL

630-852-7695