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Laughter Cures What Ails You
Downers Grove, IL
Friday, May 21, 2010
Laughter Cures What Ails You
While I have little to no scientific evidence to back up this claim, all I ask is that you take a look at this review of the week's news and tell me that it doesn't make you feel just a little bit better.
Laughter Cures What Ails You
While I have little to no scientific evidence to back up this claim, all I ask is that you take a look at this review of the week's news and tell me that it doesn't make you feel just a little bit better.
Let me begin by stating that Woody Allen is nuts. In addition to marrying his adopted teenage daughter, Soon-Yi and supporting Roman Polanski, the Wood Man now wants to give Barack Obama dictatorial powers. He stated this week that it would be a good idea to make Obama a dictator for a few years to get things done. Well, I have a good idea too. I think Woody Allen should stick to being a creepy old man who makes marginally funny movies, and shut the heck up. As hard as this is to believe, there are even wackier people than Woody in this week's news. You be the judge.
More Taxes In Texas - Everybody in this country (except Congress) thinks we have too many taxes, but in Texas they are tacking on new ones. The city of San Antonio wants a store called Shades of Love to buy a $230 food permit to stay in business. The thing is, Shades of Love is not a restaurant, it's a store that sells "adult" toys, lingerie, high heels, and edible underwear and in San Antonio, underwear qualifies as food. If you have ever sampled edible underwear, you know that it is not filling, nutritious, or even on the FDA food pyramid, but in San Antonio it's a delicacy. Order it with a scoop of ice cream for Edible Underwear Alamo.
Where's The Fire? - Two cases of speeding made the news this week. In San Clemente, California, police pursued a Corvette in a high speed chase for 50 miles. When the car finally stopped, police discovered that the driver was James Neal, a former NASCAR racer who never won a national race. Apparently he still can't drive fast enough.
The same cannot be said for Sandra Powell, a 72 year old from South Carolina. Sandra was running behind schedule for her hair appointment when she decided to speed it up, and by "speed it up" I mean she went 102 MPH. When police stopped her, they booked her for speeding and awarded her the pole position in the next NASCAR race.
Knick Knack Paddy Whack, Give The Dog A...- In Huntington, NY, an animal shelter is seeking donations of Viagra to treat a pit bull with a heart condition. They say the dog needs two of the little blue bills a day to avoid heart failure. I hope the dog does well but common sense tells us that if you give Viagra to a pit bull and that pit bull decides to take your leg to the dance - be prepared to go with it. I'm just sayin'.
Is That A Ferret In Your Trousers? Strange things happen in England but Frank Bartlett has taken goofiness to a new level. In an attempt to raise money for charity, Mr. Bartlett wants to resurrect the sport of ferret legging. This "sport" involves dropping ferrets down a persons trousers and timing how long the pants wearer can stand the company. The record is said to be five hours with rodents in your pants, proving that Brits have too much time on their hands and far too much time in their trousers. Ferret legging is being protested by ferret welfare groups but I think it could be amusing, especially if the men wearing the trousers also had to wear edible underwear.
While I have little to no scientific evidence to back up this claim, all I ask is that you take a look at this review of the week's news and tell me that it doesn't make you feel just a little bit better.
Laughter Cures What Ails You
While I have little to no scientific evidence to back up this claim, all I ask is that you take a look at this review of the week's news and tell me that it doesn't make you feel just a little bit better.
Let me begin by stating that Woody Allen is nuts. In addition to marrying his adopted teenage daughter, Soon-Yi and supporting Roman Polanski, the Wood Man now wants to give Barack Obama dictatorial powers. He stated this week that it would be a good idea to make Obama a dictator for a few years to get things done. Well, I have a good idea too. I think Woody Allen should stick to being a creepy old man who makes marginally funny movies, and shut the heck up. As hard as this is to believe, there are even wackier people than Woody in this week's news. You be the judge.
THE WEEK IN REVIEW
More Taxes In Texas - Everybody in this country (except Congress) thinks we have too many taxes, but in Texas they are tacking on new ones. The city of San Antonio wants a store called Shades of Love to buy a $230 food permit to stay in business. The thing is, Shades of Love is not a restaurant, it's a store that sells "adult" toys, lingerie, high heels, and edible underwear and in San Antonio, underwear qualifies as food. If you have ever sampled edible underwear, you know that it is not filling, nutritious, or even on the FDA food pyramid, but in San Antonio it's a delicacy. Order it with a scoop of ice cream for Edible Underwear Alamo.
Where's The Fire? - Two cases of speeding made the news this week. In San Clemente, California, police pursued a Corvette in a high speed chase for 50 miles. When the car finally stopped, police discovered that the driver was James Neal, a former NASCAR racer who never won a national race. Apparently he still can't drive fast enough.
The same cannot be said for Sandra Powell, a 72 year old from South Carolina. Sandra was running behind schedule for her hair appointment when she decided to speed it up, and by "speed it up" I mean she went 102 MPH. When police stopped her, they booked her for speeding and awarded her the pole position in the next NASCAR race.
Knick Knack Paddy Whack, Give The Dog A...- In Huntington, NY, an animal shelter is seeking donations of Viagra to treat a pit bull with a heart condition. They say the dog needs two of the little blue bills a day to avoid heart failure. I hope the dog does well but common sense tells us that if you give Viagra to a pit bull and that pit bull decides to take your leg to the dance - be prepared to go with it. I'm just sayin'.
Is That A Ferret In Your Trousers? Strange things happen in England but Frank Bartlett has taken goofiness to a new level. In an attempt to raise money for charity, Mr. Bartlett wants to resurrect the sport of ferret legging. This "sport" involves dropping ferrets down a persons trousers and timing how long the pants wearer can stand the company. The record is said to be five hours with rodents in your pants, proving that Brits have too much time on their hands and far too much time in their trousers. Ferret legging is being protested by ferret welfare groups but I think it could be amusing, especially if the men wearing the trousers also had to wear edible underwear.
Dale Irvin
Professional Summarizer
Downers Grove, IL
630-852-7695
