Downers Grove, IL

Friday, June 04, 2010

It has been proven that laughter reduces stress so why not take a few minutes to relieve yours. Here is a quick and funny recap of the odder stories in this week's news. Feel free to laugh out loud at them; you'll feel better.

     Summer has arrived, and with it comes news that after 40 year of marriage, the Gores are splitting up. It amazes me that Al and Tipper Gore are breaking up and the Clintons are still together. What were the Vegas odds on that daily double? They say that it is a "mutual break-up" which is a lot like a "fair fight" but Al has been linked to Snooky from Jersey Shore and Tipper has been seen on the town with Jesse James.

     On top of this, Nancy Pelosi has blamed George W. Bush for the BP oil spill and President Obama told Chicago to clean up the Chicago River so people could swim in it. My response is that Nancy Pelosi has no room to talk. She was responsible Hurricane Katrina and the Iceland volcano. Second, in case the president hasn't noticed, he has a much larger body of water down south that even fish can't swim in that needs his attention. Perhaps if he plugged the hole with Nancy Pelosi, we'd all be better off. Here's the rest of the news.

      Animal Stories – In Vienna, Austria - a place famous for their Vienna sausages - a woman found a sealed cardboard box in the park. When she shook it, it hissed at her. Then she noticed the note on the box that read, "I am no longer venomous." She took the box to the authorities and inside they found a poisonous Asian cobra. Not trusting the note on the box, authorities took the animal to a refuge center. One official said, "Even if the snake did write the note, he may have been lying, so we weren't taking any chances."

     Prison Couture - For years, the height of prison fashion has been the orange jumpsuit. It replaced the basic stripes back in 1954 and is recognized around the country as a sign of incarceration, but in Norman, Oklahoma, authorities think that the orange jumpsuit is not enough to make their prisoners stand out. Since orange is one of Norman High School's colors and because the current jumpsuits look too much like hospital scrubs, officials think the outfit makes it too easy for prisoners to escape and blend in. To avoid confusion, the jumpsuits have been replaced with hot pink shirts and yellow and white striped pants. Now if inmates escape, the only place they will be able to blend in is on the golf course.

     Good Clean Fun – Kia Carroll lives in Omaha, Nebraska and opened up a cleaning business called "ODD'Z & EN'Z Janitorial and More" but it looks like she could be in trouble with the law. It seems that the "more" part of ODD'Z & EN'Z Janitorial and More" is that Tia will clean your house while naked. For $125 she will clean your house in the nude and for $175 you get the nude cleaning "with satisfaction"…whatever that means. According to Nebraska obscenity laws, any nude performance is illegal so even though she's holding a feather duster, they don't believe she's using it to dust. Kia claims she is not a prostitute but an entertainer who likes to have fun while she cleans. Her specialties include the "Mop & Glo" and the "Full Pledge Polish and Buff" and the ever popular "Spank me with a Swiffer."

     Now help relieve the stress of others by passing this on.

Dale Irvin

Professional Summarizer

Downers Grove, IL

630-852-7695