Downers Grove, IL

Friday, January 15, 2010

It's January 15, 2010 and time for…

Dale Irvin's Friday Funnies

We are only halfway through January and I am already hopelessly confused. According to this week's news, 1) former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich claims that he is blacker than Obama. 2) Democratic senator Harry Reid said that Obama got elected because he "doesn't have a Negro dialect unless he wants to" and. 3) Mark McGuire has admitted that he took steroids when he set the single season home run record. They all claim to be "really, really sorry" but I don't think this is enough. Harry Reid needs to resign, Blagojevich needs to move to Harlem, and McGuire needs to join Pete Rose on the Hall of Fame persona non gratis list. With that rant out of the way, here are the Funnies.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW

 An Event I'm Glad I Missed – The 9th annual No Pants Subway Ride happened in New York City last week. Hundreds of New Yorkers stripped down to their underpants and boarded the subway trains for a fun outing in their skivvies. If you have ever ridden on the New York subway, you know that it is creepy, crowded, and uncomfortable. Imagine instead of the usual strap hangers that the train is packed with followers of Sponge Bob Underpants and you will throw up a little bit. The participants said they pull the annual stunt to create a scene of "chaos and joy in public places" and schedule it for the day before the first laundry day of the New Year.

Give A Pint, Get A Pint – A blood center in Tacoma, Washington has a better way to refuel donors. Instead of offering a free glass of orange juice and a donut when you give blood, donors in Tacoma get a free pint of beer. What a great idea. You already feel a bit woozy after giving blood so you can keep the wooze going by using your free beer coupon at any participating bar. Then, you go give another pint, get another beer, and it's a no-cost nonstop party until you pass out in the gutter.

News From Around The World – Twenty participants showed up for their weigh-in at a Weight Watchers clinic in Växjö, Sweden when the floor collapsed under them. No one was injured in the incident but one has to wonder about the damage done to the participants' self esteem. Its one thing to be overweight, but it's a whole different issue when you cause infrastructure damage. Future meetings will be held in the parking lot. 

Physics Gone Wild – In Riverton, Wyoming, UPS worker Buddy Armstrong was delivering a package when he heard a fire alarm going off inside the home. No one was in the house so Buddy called the fire department and they put out the blaze that was started by the sun shining through the window and directly on a magnifying glass on a stand. The concentrated rays set fire to a stack of papers on the desk. Firefighters thought it was a freak accident before they noticed that the nearby ant farm was empty except for a very small note that read, "How do YOU like it?"

Dale Irvin

Professional SUmmarizer

Downers Grove, IL

630-852-7695