Downers Grove, IL

Friday, April 02, 2010

It's April 2, 2010 and time for…

     Today is Good Friday which means that most of you have taken the day off and won't even see these Funnies until after Easter. I hope you are using the time for repentance and reflection. When you are done, you will need a good laugh. Here it is.

      What's A Repo Man Supposed To Do? – Yvonne Pampellonne is going to jail in Westminster, California but she looks great. That's because Yvonne used a fraudulent line of credit to get herself $12,000 worth of liposuction and breast implants. Unlike other robberies, she can't just return the stolen goods so she is going to the jug charged with pilfering jugs. We will keep you abreast of the story as it progresses.

     "Give Me Back That Filet-O-Fish, Give Me That Fish" – This jingle from a McDonald's commercial is annoying but it sticks in your mind. It affected a McDonald's customer in South Brunswick, NJ to the point that he viewed it as an instructional video. After ordering his fish sandwich at the drive-thru window, the customer got tired of waiting, got out of his car and crawled through the drive-thru window. Once inside the restaurant, he slapped the employee that took his order, grabbed his sandwich and walked out the front door and back to his car. The perpetrator is described as a largemouth bass with a fair singing voice and goes by the name of "Billy".

     Next Stop, Climbing Mt. Everest With The Pope – Patricia Edwards from Sanford, Florida has bipolar disorder and a bucket list, which is not always a good combination. Among the list of things to accomplish before she dies, was to rob a bank, so last week she did. With no forethought or planning, Pamela walked into a Bank of America branch last week and handed the teller a note demanding money. She got the cash and left, only to be arrested three days later. She apologized for her actions but said it was something she always wanted to do. When she gets out she vows not to rob another bank but will focus on the rest of her bucket list which still includes items such as starting a Ponzi scheme, and giving president Obama a noogie.

     News From Around The World – Kibera, Kenya is a very impoverished place, so much so that the residents there don't have a pot…to do anything in, so they use plastic bags. When these folks have to go number 2, they do so in a polyethylene bag which they then whirl around and toss just about anywhere. The locals refer to them as "flying toilets." But before you cross a visit to Kibera off of your bucket list, you should know that help is on the way. Anders Wilhelmson has invented the "Peepoo" a small biodegradable bag that contains a chemical to turn human waste into fertilizer. Now, after making a deposit, the residents don't have to fling the bag away because they can use the contents to fertilize their gardens. I suggest they make a version of the "Peepoo" for congress. They can use it to deposit their rhetoric instead of flinging it all over like they do now. We could all it the "PeeLosi."

Dale Irvin

Professional Summarizer

Downers Grove, IL

630-852-7695